Frodo Baggins, the Vampire, and Other Stories
by Aria Breuer
Summary: Frodo is a magical, weathered vampire in search of rural coins. He troubles himself with a squirrel, who wants to be his friend. They seek out mischief and adventure, all while searching for those coins! These are one-shot madlibs created by plot-generator (dot) org (dot) uk. The words belong to me. Inspired by Jessicaelvenprincess. Written in 2015.
1. Frodo Baggins, the Vampire

**Disclaimers:** All canon material from The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and apparently The Hobbit, belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. This plot was generated by plot generator dot org dot uk. The idea was inspired by Jessicaelvenprincess, who was also coming up with plots from this very generator. I only own the key words and my pen name.

Now don't get me wrong, I had no idea what this plot generator site would concoct. When I saw what it produced, I gasped because I'm a fan of self-inserts. Then I read it and thought it was interesting. This one does go about a friendship scenario with Frodo Baggins. Honestly, this all came from the plot generator site, so the credit goes to them. It is quite funny, I'll admit. Now this is a plot that has similarities to The Hobbit, but the main two characters aren't Bilbo and Thorin. Take a look. :)

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 **Frodo Baggins, the Vampire**

 **A Fantasy Novel**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

 _In a Bag End there lived a magical, weathered vampire named Frodo Baggins. Not a snowy wild, vast Bag End, filled with maps and a hot smell, nor yet a ginger, quiet, deep Bag End with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a vampire-Bag End, and that means comfort._

One day, after a troubling visit from the squirrel Aria Breuer, Frodo leaves his Bag End and sets out in search of three rural coins. A quest undertaken in the company of rabbits, cows and violent imps. In the search for the squirrel-guarded coins, Frodo Baggins surprises even himself with his kindness and skill as a navigator. During his travels, Frodo rescues a Sting, an heirloom belonging to Aria. But when Aria refuses to try hopping, their friendship is over. However, Aria is wounded at the Battle of Pelennor Fields and the two reconcile just before Frodo engages in some serious hopping.

Frodo accepts one of the three rural coins and returns home to his Bag End a very wealthy vampire.

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 **Thanks for reading. There's more to come. :)**


	2. Frodo's Progress

I told you there was more. :) All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. If anything, I'm going to be hitting all the genres on that site. So, here's another one, the praise included from the site.

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 **Frodo's Progress**

 **A Young Adult Novel**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

During a Hundred-Weight Feast in Rivendell in 1995, a baby is born and dies before he can take his first breath. During a Hundred-Weight Feast in Rivendell in 1995, the same baby is born and lives to tell the tale. That baby becomes 20-year-old Frodo Baggins, a energetic and thoughtful fishmonger.

What if there were second chances? Third chances? Fourth chances? Would you eventually be able to save the world from mean teens who attack each other? Would you even want to?

 _Frodo's Progress_ follows Frodo Baggins and his remarkable uncle, Bilbo Baggins, as their sleepy lives tumble through turbulent events in The Shire, again and again. However, when Bilbo calls, begging him to come home, Frodo is forced to decide what is more important: stopping the mean teens that attack each other, or preserving his relationship with his uncle?

Aria Breuer explores weapons and picturesque spells to full effect in the young adult novel to end all young adult novels.

o-o-o

 _Praise for Frodo's Progress_

"Never have there been more chilling villains than mean teens that attack each other." - The Daily Tale

"Are we seriously supposed to find an energetic and thoughtful fishmonger from Rivendell heroic?" - Enid Kibbler


	3. A Mutual Love of Books

Here's another one. :) All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. But I originally had swordsman in there, so now that's fixed and the plot correct.

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 **A Mutual Love of Books**

 **A Summer's Tale**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

Frodo Baggins is a brave swordsman from cold Bag End. He leads a simple life. However, all that changes when Frodo books a summer holiday to cosy Rivendell. At first Frodo finds Rivendell very crowded. Then there's the mysterious, thoughtless gardener, Pearl Took, who makes him feel hot.

When Pearl invites him on a thinking expedition, Frodo begins to realise that Pearl is a deeply tight-fisted and remarkable woman. Frodo knows in his heart that Pearl is the woman for him. However, to secure his happiness, Frodo must fend off the predatory homemaker, Lotho Sackville-Baggins, who wants to get his claws into Pearl.

Using her worrying soup and a mutual love of books, Frodo sets out to snare Pearl once and for all. But will the thoughtless swordsman return his affections?

o-o-o

 _Praise for A Mutual Love of Books_

"Sizzling hot. I wish a mysterious, thoughtless swordsman would fall into my life." - The Daily Tale

"The dullest summer story ever written. How would worrying soup and a mutual love of books attract anybody?" - Enid Kibbler

"I'm going to rush out and book a thinking expedition." - Hit the Spoof

"I once went to 'cosy' Rivendell on holiday but I didn't find it crowded." - Zob Gloop


	4. Along came Pearl

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. For some reason, this one is a slight bit closer to Frodo's characteristics and personality. Let's take a dive into this story. :)

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 **Along came Pearl**

 **A Splendid Romance**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

Frodo Baggins is a weak, flabby and energetic author from The Shire. His life is going nowhere until he meets Pearl Took, a stunning, thin woman with a passion for dancing. Frodo takes an instant disliking to Pearl and the cowardly and controlling ways she learnt during her years in Weathertop.

However, when a tiger tries to blackmail Frodo, Pearl springs to the rescue. Frodo begins to notices that Pearl is actually rather grateful at heart. But, the pressures of Pearl's job as a gardener leave her blind to Frodo's affections and Frodo takes up socialising to try an distract herself.

Finally, when stingy psychiatrist, Fredegar Bolger, threatens to come between them, Pearl has to act fast. But will they ever find the splendid love that they deserve?

o-o-o

 _Praise for Along came Pearl_

"I fell in love with the optimistic Pearl Took. Last night I dreamed that she was in my teapot." - The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being slapped with a dead fish, but Along came Pearl does deliver a strong social lesson." - Enid Kibbler

"I love the bit where a tiger tries to blackmail Frodo - nearly fell off my seat." - Hit the Spoof

"I could do better." - Zob Gloop


	5. Fragile Daisy's Pointy Hat

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. This one kind of gives away the plot at the end, but we're not alarmed. This one is a bit freaky. I do hope Samwise forgives me for putting his sister into this plot. I hope the same for Pippin.

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 **Fragile Daisy's Pointy Hat**

 **A Paranormal Romance** **  
** **by Aria Breuer**

Frodo Baggins suspected something was a little off when his smelly mum tried to hug him when he was just six years old. Nevertheless, he lived a relatively normal life among other humans.

It wasn't until he bumped into the devilishly fragile mermaid, Daisy Gamgee, that his life finally began to make sense. However, Daisy proved to be splendid and seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with skipping. Frodo soon learnt that Daisy had taken an oath never to kiss a human being.

When Frodo's smelly mum is injured in a golfing accident, Frodo realises his own life is at risk.

Despite Daisy's pointy hat and thirst for blood, Frodo finds himself falling for the mermaid. Only fate will decided whether she kills or protects him. One night, a shape shifter appears before Frodo and warns him of a darkness within Daisy. The shape shifter gives Frodo the giant paperweight - the only weapon that can defeat a fragile mermaid.

Will Frodo find it in himself to kill the only creature who has ever made him feel truly afraid? (Hint: yes!)

o-o-o

 _Praise for Fragile Daisy's Pointy Hat_

"Oh my golly gosh - where can I find myself a tasty fragile mermaid?" - The Daily Tale

"Oh please! Like a human would ever be able to kill a mermaid with a giant paperweight!" - Enid Kibbler

"I didn't like the smelly mum at all and was glad when the golfing accident happened." - Hit the Spoof

"The blurb spoilt the plot. I don't need to read it now." - Zob Gloop


	6. Murder in Gondor

Here's another one. All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. I thank Jessicaelvenprincess for giving me the inspiration to go on the plot generator website and do these. So I thank her for that. :)

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 **Murder in Gondor**

 **A Crime Thriller**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

Mangled feet have been turning up all over Gondor and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a candlestick, and still nobody has a clue who the cowardly killer is.

Master Frodo Baggins is a curvy and witty shopkeeper with a fondness for love. He doesn't know it yet but he is the only one who can stop the malicious killer. When his friend, Rosie Cotton, is kidnapped, Master Baggins finds himself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a spotty sausage.

He enlists the help of a kind hairdresser called Samwise Gamgee. Can Gamgee help Baggins overcome his caffeine addiction and find the answers before the selfish killer and his deadly candlestick strike again?

o-o-o

 _Praise for Murder in Gondor_

"Master Baggins is the best detective ever. A passion for love and caffeine is something we all can relate to." - The Daily Tale

"About as scary as a minute ant, but Murder in Gondor does deliver an important message about the dangers of a candlestick." - Enid Kibbler

"As always, a kind hairdresser makes the best sidekick." - Hit the Spoof

"I could do better." - Zob Gloop


	7. The Curse of the Solid Teapot

Here's another one, too. All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. Honestly, this one I wanted Samwise Gamgee to be the best friend, but due to one of the praise statements, I had to change it because I don't like slash, period.

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 **The Curse of the Solid Teapot**

 **A Horror Story**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

Whilst investigating the death of a local nurse, a thoughtful actor called Frodo Baggins uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, solid teapot circulating throughout Hobbiton. As soon as anyone uses the teapot, he or she has exactly 28 days left to live. The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life, but when photographed, they look pickled. A marked person feels like a greasy giraffe to touch.

Frodo gets hold of the teapot, refusing to believe the superstition. A collage of images flash into his mind: a scheming rabbit balancing on an idyllic nurse, an old newspaper headline about a bear baiting accident, a hooded snake ranting about lips and a drinking well located in an old-fashioned place.

When Frodo notices his toes have giraffe-like properties, he realises that the curse of the solid teapot is true and calls in his best friend, a gardener called May Gamgee, to help.

May examines the teapot and willingly submits herself to the curse. She finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. She finds the scheming rabbit balancing on an idyllic nurse particularly chilling. She joins the queue for a supernatural death.

Frodo and May pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions, starting with a search for the hooded snake. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?

o-o-o

 _Praise for The Curse of the Solid Teapot_

"This is actually pretty scary. I'll never be able to look at another solid teapot for as long as I live." - The Daily Tale

"Oh please! There's nothing scary about a scheming rabbit balancing on an idyllic nurse. Are we supposed to feel spooked?" - Enid Kibbler

"The hooded snake really freaked me out." - Hit the Spoof

"I hope Frodo and May get married." - Zob Gloop


	8. Burglary, Jealousy And Perhaps, Even Cru

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. This one has the Silvan elf archer from The Hobbit films. Yes, I know there will be haters of Tauriel, but I like her and that's the reason she's in here. So hush and just read.

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 **Burglary, Jealousy And Perhaps, Even Cruelty**

 **A Mystery**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

The quiet, English town of Hobbiton holds a secret.

Frodo Baggins has the perfect life working as a housekeeper in the city and eating with his incredible girlfriend, Galadriel Bloggs. However, when he finds a weathered banana in his cellar, he begins to realise that things are not quite as they seem in the Baggins family. A snow storm leaves Frodo with some startling questions about his past, and he sets off to urban Hobbiton to find some answers.

At first the people of Hobbiton are brave and stable. He is intrigued by the curiously hopeful cleaner, Tauriel. However, after she introduces him to hard chocolate, Frodo slowly finds himself drawn into a web of burglary, jealousy and perhaps, even cruelty.

Can Frodo resist the charms of Tauriel and uncover the secret of the weathered banana before it's too late, or will his demise become yet another Hobbiton legend?

o-o-o

 _Praise for Burglary, Jealousy And Perhaps, Even Cruelty_

"Who wouldn't give up a life of eating with their incredible girlfriend to spend a little time with a curiously hopeful cleaner?" - The Daily Tale

"About as mysterious as finding a poo in a public toilet. However, Burglary, Jealousy And Perhaps, Even Cruelty does offer a valuable lesson about not getting into hard chocolate." - Enid Kibbler

"The only mystery, is why did I keep reading after page one?" - Hit the Spoof

"I could do better." - Zob Gloop


	9. Galactic Noisy Glamdring Wars

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. I'll tell you readers right now that these plots don't change on the website, but if you click on the links, you'll obviously get to a different plot. However, I can still change the words and put in different canon characters, even myself, if I want. Well, here you go, and if you're a Star Wars fan or new to Star Wars and are interested in this plot, you'll understand. And yes, swoop bike is a bike used in Star Wars, which is seen in the Knights of the Old Republic games, but if you readerswant to look it up you can.

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 **Galactic Noisy Glamdring Wars**

 **A Science Fiction Plot**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

A long, long time ago in a noisy, noisy galaxy...

After leaving the crumpled planet Mustafar, a group of ghosts fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into an enchanted, space bungalow. Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Sauron, a sunny moose capable of impersonation and even man slaughter.

Terrified, an industrial elf known as Gimli flees the Empire, with his protector, Frodo Baggins. They head for Bywater on the planet Coruscant. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. Baggins uses his noisy Glamdring to defend Gimli. Baggins and Elf Gimli decide it's time to leave Coruscant and steal a swoop bike to shoot their way out. They encounter a tribe of fairies. Baggins is attacked and the elf is captured by the fairies and taken back to Bywater.

Baggins must fight to save Elf Gimli but when he accidentally unearths a fluffy hawk, the entire future of the noisy, crumpled galaxy is at stake.

o-o-o

 _Praise for Galactic Noisy Glamdring Wars_

"I really, really, really hope that Baggins saves Elf Gimli because I love this story soooooo much!" - The Daily Tale

"A sunny moose, a tribe of fairies and an industrial elf - haven't we seen this before somewhere?" - Enid Kibbler


	10. Frodo the Vampire Slayer

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. I do hope Sam and Galadriel forgive me for this, but I'm not sure what Frodo thinks of this plot. We'll see what happens.

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 **Frodo the Vampire Slayer**

 **A Teen Vampire Story**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

There's an intuitive new girl in Frogmorton and she has everybody talking. Stunningly slender and devastatingly weak, all the boys want her. However, Galadriel has a secret - she's a wild vampire.

Frodo Baggins is a remarkable, tall boy who enjoys boxing. He becomes fascinated by Galadriel who can stop rhinos with her bare hands. He doesn't understand why she's so standoffish. His best friend, an optimistic dragon called Samwise, helps Frodo begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon - the pink, tattered Orcrist.

When bodies start turning up all over Frogmorton, Frodo begins to fear the worst. The dragon urges her to report Galadriel to the police and he knows he should, so what's stopping him?

He may resist Galadriel's bite, but can he resist her charms? Will he be caught sitting with the vampire?

o-o-o

 _Praise for Frodo the Vampire Slayer_

"Bursting with originality. A remarkable boy falling for a slender vampire has simply never been done before." - The Daily Tale

"About as moving as a cow stuck in a bog, but _Frodo the Vampire Slayer_ does deliver an important message about not having a dragon for a friend." - Enid Kibbler

"A pink, tattered Orcrist would be my first choice too. This must be based on a true story, you couldn't make this stuff up!" - Hit the Spoof

"I could do better." - Zob Gloop


	11. The Tenant of Baggins Tower

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. Honestly, I didn't want to make Frodo the villain, and yet here he is: a villain, his next role in this story. Well, it had to happen, not that him being a vampire wasn't villainous, but there you go. Also, I do not like canon character deaths, but once again, not my fault.

* * *

 **The Tenant of Baggins Tower**

 **A Lost Bronte Novel**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

Eowyn Bloggs is an admirable and caring orphan raised by a predatory and scheming wolf. Eventually she gets a job working as a doctor for the gentle Lord Baggins of Baggins Tower. The unlikely couple rapidly succumb to a magical passion.

On the day of their wedding, a sinister sister escapes from the attic of Baggins Tower and starts a fire. Believing that Lord Baggins is dead, Eowyn flees from the church and wanders the breezy moors for days until she is rescued by a cute painter.

However, although Lord Baggins is blinded by the fire, he still breathes. Without Eowyn he becomes snooty and cold-blooded. He turns to alcohol for comfort. The ghost of the sister from the attic haunts him.

Meanwhile, thinking Lord Baggins is dead, Eowyn accepts a marriage proposal from her saviour, the painter. However, one night she believes she can hear Lord Baggins calling, "Eowyn, where are you? Eowyn come home!" and she returns to Baggins Tower.

On Eowyn's return, she finds Lord Baggins drunk and without sight. Mistaking her for the ghost of the sinister sister, he attacks her with a torch and Eowyn Bloggs dies. As he attends to the body, Lord Baggins realises what he has done. Driven mad with guilt, he hatches a plan to destroy the next generation, but there is no next generation and he dies of consumption two weeks later.

o-o-o

 _Praise for The Tenant of Baggins Tower_

"One of the most magical romances ever told. It makes you want to rush out and get a job as a Lord's doctor." - The Daily Tale

"I feel more passion when I flush away my daily business than I did reading this book, but _The Tenant of Baggins Tower_ does warn us against the dangers of keeping a sinister sister in the attic." - Enid Kibbler

"I'd rather marry a cute painter than a snooty Lord but each to his own." - Hit the Spoof

"I could do better." - Zob Gloop

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 **Yeah, I don't know why it puts Bloggs for the last name, when the character didn't previously have a last name. Oh well.**


	12. Rural Bag End

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien and plot generator dot org dot uk. Well, this is it as far as the genres go the first time around. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be doing this story, but we'll see how I feel. Also, this one fits well with Frodo and Sam's characteristics and personalities, but it is still a funny story.

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 **Rural Bag End**

 **A Short Story**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

Frodo Baggins looked at the silver sandwich in his hands and felt active. He walked over to the window and reflected on his cosy surroundings. He had always loved rural Bag End with its horrible, hurt hills. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel active. Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Samwise Gamgee. Samwise was a predatory elephant with ample moles and moist eyelashes.

Frodo gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a scheming, loving, cocoa drinker with spiky moles and brunette eyelashes. His friends saw him as a wide, wonderful writer. Once, he had even brought a damaged kitten back from the brink of death. But not even a scheming person who had once brought a damaged kitten back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Samwise had in store today.

The moon shone like bouncing lizards, making Frodo lonely. As Frodo stepped outside and Samwise came closer, he could see the high-pitched glint in his eye.

Samwise gazed with the affection of 6130 charming faint frogs. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want peace."

Frodo looked back, even more lonely and still fingering the silver sandwich. "Samwise, we've been through a lot," he replied.

They looked at each other with delighted feelings, like two talented, tasteless tortoises thinking at a very hilarious dinner party, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two clumsy uncles talking to the beat.

Frodo regarded Samwise's ample moles and moist eyelashes. "I feel the same way!" revealed Frodo with a delighted grin.

Samwise looked cross, his emotions blushing like a plastic, powerless piano. Then Samwise came inside for a nice mug of cocoa.

THE END


	13. Frodo Baggins, the Troll

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien, J.K. Rowling, and plot generator dot org dot uk. I know, I wanted to do another one, but this one has the only crossover with Harry Potter due to Hermione Granger.

* * *

 **Frodo Baggins, the Troll**

 **A Fantasy Novel**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

 _In a cave there lived a beautiful, evil troll named Frodo Baggins. Not a grand wild, breezy cave, filled with eyebrows and a grey smell, nor yet an ample, warped, short cave with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a troll-cave, and that means warmth._

One day, after a troubling visit from the alien Hermione Granger, Frodo leaves his cave and sets out in search of three false glasses. A quest undertaken in the company of girls, wizards and solid men.

In the search for the alien-guarded glasses, Frodo Baggins surprises even himself with his intelligence and skill as a housekeeper. During his travels, Frodo rescues a sandwich, an heirloom belonging to Hermione. But when Hermione refuses to try walking, their friendship is over.

However, Hermione is wounded at the Battle of Minas Tirith and the two reconcile just before Frodo engages in some serious walking. Frodo accepts one of the three false glasses and returns home to his cave a very wealthy troll.


	14. Galactic Handsome Sword Wars

All credit goes to J.R.R. Tolkien, George Lucas, Disney, and plot generator dot org dot uk. Yes, I couldn't help myself. It's a funny plot, so I wanted to put Darth Vader into it just because I wanted to. Anyway, here it is and the roles are switched around for Frodo. I think this is the last one I'm doing, but it is pretty awesome and much closer to _The Lord of the Rings_ , even if it is Star Wars-themed.

* * *

 **Galactic Handsome Sword Wars**

 **A Science Fiction Plot**  
 **by Aria Breuer**

A long, long time ago in a handsome, handsome galaxy...

After leaving the ripped planet Tython, a group of youths fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a ginger, space skyscraper. Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Darth Vader, a snowy minx capable of lust and even assassination.

Terrified, a sleepy leopard known as Frodo Baggins flees the Empire, with his protector, Pippin Took. They head for Mos Eisley on the planet Alderaan. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. Took uses his handsome sword to defend Frodo.

Took and Leopard Frodo decide it's time to leave Alderaan and steal a bicycle to shoot their way out. They encounter a tribe of girls. Took is attacked and the leopard is captured by the girls and taken back to Mos Eisley.

Took must fight to save Leopard Frodo but when he accidentally unearths a picturesque turkey, the entire future of the handsome, ripped galaxy is at stake.

o-o-o

Praise for Galactic Handsome Sword Wars

"I really, really, really hope that Took saves Leopard Frodo because I love this story soooooo much!" - The Daily Tale

"A snowy minx, a tribe of girls and a sleepy leopard - haven't we seen this before somewhere?" - Enid Kibbler

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 **To be honest, I wouldn't mind a handsome galaxy; although, the territory would be dangerous to say the least. Oh well. Thanks for reading! :) Bye! :)**


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